American Voters

Did John Kerry
win the 2004 election?

Or are the Republican better at cheating?

Thousands of angry Democrats are posting evidence on the Internet that John Kerry won the 2004 presidential election, and that the Republicans altered the votes. These Democrats show that if the votes had been counted correctly, John Kerry would be the next US president.

Unfortunately, accurately counting the votes would not necessarily give the presidency to John Kerry. The reason is that if we were to accurately count the votes in the Iowa caucus we might find that Howard Dean beat John Kerry by an enormous margin.

All of the polls prior to the Iowa caucus showed Howard Dean far ahead of all other Democratic candidates. When John Kerry beat Howard Dean, the Democrats assumed that most of Dean supporters decided to switch to Kerry at the last moment, and for reasons nobody has been able to explain.

However, Kerry may have won because some group cheated. In which case, he cannot complain that Bush cheated him in the presidential election.

The absurdity of this situation might become more apparent if the Three Stooges and Laurel and Hardy were to join forces to to produce a spoof on this. So, HugeQuestions.com presents for your entertainment:

The Three Stooges
and
Laurel and Hardy
in
Voting; American Style

Imagine the Three Stooges walking into the voting booths at the Iowa caucus. They are the only people who show up to vote. All three of them vote for Howard Dean.

After their three votes are counted they are told that they just elected Mickey Mouse to be the Democratic candidate for president.

After the initial shock wears off, the Three Stooges begin arguing with each other.

After insulting one another for a while, they get ready for the presidential elections.

Meanwhile, the two Republicans, Laurel and Hardy, vote for George Bush but are told that Spiderman had been selected as the Republican candidate.

So the presidential election is a contest between the Mickey Mouse and Spiderman. The polls show that only 5 people will be voting, and that Mickey Mouse is in the lead with 3 votes. The Three Stooges are certain that the Democrats will win the election because there are three Democrats and only two Republicans.

On November 2nd, all five of them cast their votes for president. After voting, the Three Stooges are curious as to how the votes are counted, so they try to get into the room where the votes are counted. However, they are not allowed through the door on the grounds that votes must be counted in secret in order to ensure accuracy.

"Please let us in!!

We want to see how the votes are counted!"

Since the Three Stooges are "good" citizens who follow authority without question, they go home to wait for the secret counting process to be completed.

The next morning the Three Stooges rush to get a newspaper, expecting to read that the Democrat has been elected. They are bewildered when they discover that Spiderman received four votes while Mickey Mouse only received three votes.

Meanwhile, Laurel and Hardy celebrate their victory.

After considerable discussion on how 5 voters could cast 7 votes, the Three Stooges come to the conclusion that Spiderman should not have received more than two votes.

The Three Stooges then present evidence that 1 + 1 = 2 and that, therefore, Mickey Mouse won the election.

The Three Stooges organize demonstrations in the street to demand that Mickey Mouse be given the presidency. Laurel and Hardy respond by ridiculing the Three Stooges for believing in "Conspiracy Theories".

How is America going to improve when the voters behave as if they are following the script for a slapstick movie?
Not only do the voters ignore the mysterious popularity of John Kerry, they don't even wonder why George Soros was spending millions to help Kerry get elected. Nor do they ask how either candidate is qualified to be a world leader.