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We do not need toilet paper!

6 April 2020
Updated 21 April 2020
Updated here 11 April 2020

If we can
control our inhibitions
we can design better toilets.

Update 21 April 2020:
I have been informed that bidets have been mandatory in all homes in Italy since 1975, and upon further research, I find that Portugal has also made them mandatory since 1975.

This brings up an interesting issue: as bidets become more popular in other nations, we might soon see a situation similar to that of the metric system. Specifically, everybody in the future will use some type of bidet except for the majority of Americans, who will continue using primitive toilets and the Imperial system.
How would people react to a real problem?
When government officials suggested that we remain home for weeks at a time in order to prevent the spread of the coronavirus, a small percentage of the population reacted by hoarding so much toilet paper that they caused some retail stores to run out of it. This in turn resulted in:

• Some people used pieces of T-shirts as substitutes, thereby inadvertently clogging their city sewers.
• Some people annoyed the police with complaints about the shortage of toilet paper.
• Some people stole toilet paper from stores, while others stole the trucks that were delivering it.
• A group of policemen in three police cars protected the delivery of toilet paper at a CVS Pharmacy.
• Some people got into fights at the retail stores over toilet paper.
An interesting aspect of this issue is that there was no shortage of toilet paper, or any other product. This ought to make us wonder, how many more people would get involved with fighting, hoarding, and stealing if there were a real shortage of food, water, fuel, or other, truly important items?

Toilet paper is unnecessary today
Some people obviously regard toilet paper as one of the most important commodities in their life, but we have the technology to eliminate toilet paper. Unfortunately, designing toilets that do not need toilet paper - and using those toilets! -  requires a lot of self-control.

We have strong inhibitions about our waste products, and this results in most people having a very difficult time discussing this issue, designing products for it, and teaching children about it.

In order to design toilets that don't need toilet paper, we need enough self-control to be able to experiment with cleaning a human butt in the same serious manner that we conduct experiments to clean an automobile, camera lens, and surgical instruments.

How many people are using bidets effectively?
The hoarding of toilet paper has caused an increase in the sale of bidets, and an increase in the number of articles and videos about bidets. I skimmed through some of those documents and videos, and I was amazed to discover that most people imply that we can clean our butt simply by spraying some water on it. They do not suggest that we use our hand to wash the poop off of our butt.

For example, this article says that some bidets have "a blow-dry feature, leaving even less reason to reach your hand back there and potentially get bacteria on yourself."

And this document mentions that we have to use our hand with the primitive, standalone bidets that have a faucet rather than a water spray, thereby implying that we do not need to use our hand if we have a modern bidet.

However, if  you are too inhibited to use your hand to clean your butt, and all you do is spray your butt with water, some of the poop is likely to remain sticking to your skin. Then, when you wipe your butt to dry it, you'll smear the wet poop around, possibly making more of a mess than if you had never sprayed yourself with water.

Furthermore, a gentle spray of water will not clean any of the poop that is caught in the ring of muscle around your anus.

A spray of water will remove only the chemicals that are extremely water-soluble, such as the thin layer of salt that we get on ourselves when we go swimming in the ocean. A woman can also rinse the pee off of herself with a gentle spray of water. However, a gentle spray of water will not remove material that is sticky or oily. We must use our hand to wipe our butt clean while spraying the water.

Cleaning your butt properly requires self-control
Some odors, such as those of a rose or a peppermint leaf, trigger pleasant emotional feelings, whereas certain other odors, such as those from poop, trigger unpleasant emotional feelings. Those unpleasant feelings are intended to make us avoid those "stinky" items.

Our primitive ancestors depended upon those emotional reactions to figure out which substances were safe to eat and touch, but today we have enough knowledge about the world to make intelligent decisions.

Our emotions want us to avoid touching poop, but there is nothing wrong with it, as long as we clean it off of ourselves when we are finished. Millions of women clean poop off of their children every day, and they accomplish this without contaminating themselves, their house, their husbands, or their food. The NBC news journalists do not warn mothers to avoid touching their child's butt "and potentially get bacteria on yourself".

Cleaning our butt properly requires doing something that is emotionally unpleasant. Therefore, a person requires a certain amount of self-control in order to do it. People who cannot control their emotional feelings will react to the concept of cleaning their butt with unpleasant facial expressions, noises, and insults, thereby leaving poop smeared on their butt.

The concept of cleaning our butt with our hand and water instead of toilet paper is another example of how modern humans would benefit by exerting enough self-control to do something that is intellectually sensible but emotionally unpleasant.

Your butt is not disgusting
There is nothing disgusting about a butt. Our butt is just a portion of our skin, similar to the skin on our face, hands, and legs. Furthermore, our anus is not much different from our mouth. The most significant difference between a mouth and an anus is that they contain a different collection of bacteria.

The odor of poop causes us to assume poop is extremely dangerous, but if a person is not sick, is the bacteria in his anus any more dangerous than the bacteria that are living in his mouth?

If people could get over their inhibitions and study this issue, we might find that when a person is in good health, the bacteria that is coming out of his anus is no more dangerous to us than the bacteria in his mouth. To rephrase that concept, kissing a person's mouth may be as dangerous as kissing his anus.

Some people claim that a dog's mouth is cleaner than a human mouth, but is that really true? I suspect that people make that claim simply because they want to justify kissing their dog, and letting their dog lick their face and hands.

If we were to seriously analyze the mouths of dogs, we might find that their mouth has as much potentially dangerous bacteria as a human butt, in which case letting a dog lick your face may be as risky as letting somebody wipe their poop on your face.

Even more interesting, we might discover that if we were to kiss one another on their anus, we would sometimes pick up some beneficial bacteria. That might be useful when a person has had such a high level of antibiotics that a lot of the helpful bacteria in his intestines have died.

If your poop is oily, you may be eating too much oil
I wonder if some of the people who are horrified at the thought of cleaning their butt with their hand is because they have extremely stinky, messy poop.

If our digestive system is working properly, and if we are eating appropriate foods in appropriate quantities, our poop will come out in fairly neat, clean packages. It is not true that everybody's poop has the same stench or consistency. Some people truly do have better poop.

If our poop is oily, it will be difficult to clean our butt with water. We would need to use some soap, but that makes the process considerably more time-consuming and annoying.

If people could control their inhibitions enough to study poop in a serious manner, we would eventually acquire a lot of valuable information about how different foods affect our poop; how the quantities of food affect it; and how the subtle genetic differences in our digestive systems affect it.

Why is it that poop is sometimes oily? My guess is that it happens when a person has consumed more oil than his body is capable of digesting. Each of us has a limit on how much oil we can digest, so what happens when we eat an excess of oil? My guess is that the excess passes through undigested, thereby allowing bacteria to feed on it, which in turn can result in stinky gases. However, some of the oil may pass through without being digested by bacteria, thereby creating oily poop.

We might also suffer from oily poop when something interferes with our digestion, such as particular diseases, or when we abuse certain drugs, or when we become extremely overtired.

We enjoy foods that have a high oil content, so we put lots of butter and other oils in our foods, and we give excessive amounts of food to cattle to make them unnaturally fat. Foie gras is another example of how we enjoy oily foods.

I suspect that most people are consuming more oil than they can digest, and that some of it is passing through their intestines undigested, thereby creating oily poop. One reason I suspect this is because of a remark made by Ed Savitz, who was accused of being part of a pedophile network with Jerry Sandusky. Savitz was one of those people who enjoy eating poop, and he told the boys that they should eat more cheese in order to make their poop taste better. That could be evidence that eating a lot of cheese, or other oily foods, results in some of the oils passing through undigested, thereby giving the poop a better flavor or consistency.

People who eat excessive amounts of cheese may be creating cheese flavored poop. What happens when people eat excessive amounts of permanent oil, orange oil, or coconut oil? How does asparagus affect the flavor and consistency?

We might learn something about our digestive system by interviewing the people who eat poop. We gain nothing by ridiculing those people, but we might learn something about our digestive system by asking them to describe how different foods affect poop. They might be able to provide some details of our digestive system that scientists would never have noticed.

Obesity may be due mainly to carbohydrates, not fat

Many people assume that eating excessive amounts of fat will cause us to accumulate fat on our bodies, but that may be false because digesting fat requires that our liver produce bile, and our liver can produce only a small quantity of bile each day. I suspect that the amount of bile we produce limits the amount of fat that we can digest.

Furthermore, after the fat is digested, it has to go through a complex process to become fat on our body, and each of us has slightly different genetic abilities to put the digested fat into storage.

To add to the complexity, different races of humans are likely to have slightly different genetic characteristics in their ability to digest and store fat, and there are differences in the manner in which men and women accumulate fat. There is also likely to be a difference between the way children and adults handle fats and other nutrients.

A significant percentage of the population today is overweight, but they may not be overweight because they have eaten too much fat. Rather, they might be overweight because they have eaten an excessive amount of carbohydrates.

Does fat cause our arteries to clog?

What happens to fat after it has been digested and enters our bloodstream? The answer is that it depends upon the person. Each of us have slightly different genetic characteristics, so we process fat differently.

Some people may have a body that quickly and efficiently puts fat into storage, but other people's bodies may allow the globules of fat to circulate for hours or days, which might cause a variety of health problems.

Nobody today truly understands how fat affects human health, and we don't know much about the genetic differences between different people, so all of the "experts" on cholesterol and fat should suppress their arrogance and push for more funding of health related projects.

Make your anus protrude when you clean it
In order to truly clean our butt properly, we must clean our anus while it is extended outwards. (I mentioned how our anus sticks out here, if you are unaware of this concept.) Once it retracts, any bits of poop that were on it will be caught in that ring of muscle around our anus. Unfortunately, it is not likely to remain in that ring of muscle. It is likely to slowly ooze out onto our butt and underwear.

If you have a standalone bidet, your anus is very likely to retract when you get up from the toilet and move over to the bidet. Therefore, to clean it properly on a standalone bidet, after you sit down on the bidet, you have to go through the process of making your anus extend itself outward again, and the only way to do that is to go through the motions of forcing yourself to poop again, which is a nuisance. It is easier to clean your anus while you are still sitting on the toilet. After you have finished pooping, your anus will be protruding, which makes it easy to clean.

It is awkward to dry off afterwards
If you are too inhibited to use your hand to clean your butt, and all you do is spray your butt with some water, some of the poop will wash off, but some of it is likely to continue sticking to your skin. Then, when you dry your butt with some toilet paper, you'll smear the wet poop all over you, possibly making more of a mess than if you had never sprayed yourself with water.

It is much better to use your hand to clean the area completely, and then your butt will be clean enough that you can use a small towel to dry off with.

The act of drying your butt is the most awkward part because, as you get up, the water that is on your butt will to start running down your legs. The best way to avoid this problem is to have a small towel in your hand while you are still seated on the toilet, and put the towel over your butt as soon as you begin standing up.
I dry my butt with a small washing cloth, but perhaps one of you would like to experiment with a towel that fits your hand, like those in the photo to the right.

If you have cleaned yourself properly, the towel will not become filthy. There will likely be some microscopic bits of poop, but before you let that bother you, consider that the people who don't use their hand to clean their butt will have lots of poop in their underwear, and they are likely to get some poop on their hands as they wipe themselves with toilet paper. Furthermore, some of their poop might occasionally pass through their clothing and onto the chairs they sit on. They will also get poop in swimming pools and on bed sheets.

Which people would you rather be living with:
a) People who clean their butt with their hand and water.
b) People who have poop smeared on their butt.

We should design better toilets
Toilets and bathrooms have improved during the past few thousand years, so what are the chances that the toilets we use today are going to be in use 10,000 years in the future?

Businesses put a lot of research into developing better cell phones, pet products, and cosmetics, but we ought to put some effort into designing better toilets. In this document, I suggested straightening the serpentine path of toilets, and now I will suggest that toilets be designed so that we can more easily use our hand to clean our butt.

It is somewhat awkward and uncomfortable to use our hand on existing toilets because they were not intended for that purpose.

I would bet that if businesses began putting some effort into experimenting with toilets, some business would eventually design a toilet that is significantly more convenient. I suggest experimenting with making the toilet seat wider in the rear, and making it longer, and by shaping it so that we don't slide towards the back of it. That might enable us to sit on it comfortably while having enough room to get our hand on our butt.

A top view of a conventional toilet (on the left),
and what I suggest experimenting with, (on the right).

By making the toilet longer in the rear, and making the water tank taller and more narrow, there would be enough space for us to get our hand in the back without touching the water, toilet seat, or toilet bowl. This would also reduce the amount of water that gets on the toilet seat.

A side view of the toilet I suggest experimenting with.
For cleaning poop, I suggest experimenting with a stream of water spraying downward, with the nozzle outside of the toilet.

For women who want to rinse off after peeing, it might be better to provide the toilets with an additional, handheld sprayer, similar to this one by Rinseworks. However, it would be more convenient if those handheld devices had a pressure valve to ensure the water pressure in the hose is always very low. By restricting the water to a low pressure, we don't have to worry about the hose developing a leak, which in turn means that we don't have to turn the main valve on and off every time we want to use it. It will also allow the hose to be more flexible and lighter in weight.

How about a "car wash" style of toilet?
We clean our mouth with a toothbrush, and we have car washing machines that rub a car with brushes, and I wonder if people in the distant future overcome their inhibitions enough to create a toilet that presses some type of rotating or vibrating brush up against our butt to clean it, and presses a small, round device slightly inside the anus to clean the inside of it. The device would retract and be sanitized after use.

Then a small towel could come out to press up against our skin to remove the excess water. It could be a disposable sheet of toilet paper that is dropped in the toilet after use, or it could be similar to the continuous cloth towels that some bathrooms have for drying our hands.

With that type of toilet, we would never have to use our hands to clean our butt, or be irritated by water spraying into the bathroom or trickling down our legs.

How about an enema-style of bidet?
There is at least one bidet that has such a strong spray that it claims that it can tear apart hardpacked poop for people who have problems with constipation, but is it really sensible to have a powerful spray of water blasting upward at our butt to knock out chunks of poop? That might spray poop all over the toilet, the person, and the bathroom.

The people who suffer from constipation might be better off with a small water hose that they can insert into their anus, like an enema.

Toilets would be more expensive, but so what?
A truly better toilet would be more expensive, which brings up an interesting issue that you ought to contemplate. Specifically, what are you living your life for? What do you want from life? What do you really benefit from?

Some people spend thousands of dollars every year on alcohol, marijuana, pets, jewelry, cosmetics, and expensive processed foods, such as breakfast cereals and potato chips. Some people also put a lot of money into expensive automobiles, boats, and houses.

If we were to design some high-quality toilets that have a long life and are easy to maintain, and which are more comfortable to sit on and more convenient to use, the initial price might be many times as much as a typical toilet. The additional expense of the toilet would mean that we must sacrifice some other products that we are currently purchasing.

However, if the toilet is designed well, we will only have to purchase a toilet once. We would occasionally have to replace the rubber seals, but that would be a small expense. Therefore, the high initial cost of the toilet would not be significant.

Most of us will spend between 5,000 and 20,000 hours sitting on a toilet during our lifetime. Why not put some effort into making that time more pleasant and convenient?

Why do we have to clean inside our anus?
I mentioned that if we do not clean the poop that clings to the inside ring of muscle around our anus, it will slowly ooze out into your underwear. One reason this happens is because as we move the ring of muscles tends to slowly squeeze out any poop that is caught in that area. However, the issue I wanted to discuss in this section is that our anus, or our colon, regularly produces some type of scented, oily liquid, and as it is squeezed out of our anus, it takes any poop in the area with it.

This liquid is either a lubricant to help the poop pass through the anus, and/or a method for us to mark our territory with a scent.

Some people believe that I am imagining this liquid, but my body really is producing this liquid on a regular basis, and it really does have a nice fragrance. However, I will not notice it unless I go a day or two without pooping. Furthermore, unless your butt is truly clean, you will never notice this liquid because it will mix with the poop. This will result in your butt and your underwear becoming contaminated with poop rather than with this fragrant liquid.

I cannot be the only person producing this liquid. I inherited this characteristic, so it has to be in some of the people I'm related to, which means that there must be millions of Europeans who have this same characteristic.

Some pet dogs occasionally drag their butt on the ground, as in this video. It looks as if they are trying to scratch their butt, but perhaps they do this because their anus has produced a drop or two of this scented liquid, and it is irritating them, and they want to wipe it off. The purpose of the liquid may be to cause the animals to mark their territory with a scent.

If the dogs are producing this liquid, then it will undoubtedly be mixed with poop, but their sense of smell may be so much better than ours that they can identify the fragrance of this liquid even when it has been mixed with poop.

When the liquid comes out of my anus, it feels like only one or two tiny drops, but it creates a very slight irritation as it exits. It is the type of irritation that is similar to what we feel when a fly lands on our arm. Specifically, it makes me want to wipe it off. If I was a monkey, I would likely react by rubbing my butt against a tree branch, or wiping it off with my fingers, and then wiping my fingers on the tree.

However, it is such a subtle feeling that I don't notice it if I am moving around, or busy with something. I notice it only when I am sitting very quietly at my computer. Therefore, people who have lots of distractions during the day may never notice this liquid.

Since humans do not mark our territory with scents, this feature has been degrading in us, just like our appendix. As a result, some people may not produce any of the liquid. Some other people may produce it, but it may not have a fragrance, or it might be stinky. Finally, some people might produce it but not be irritated by the feeling of it oozing out.
Update 11 April 2020:

Ancient Roman public toilets
I recently found some drawings of reconstructions of some communal toilets of ancient Rome. The image below is here.

The two arrows that I put into the drawing show a sponge tied to a stick. In front of the toilets is a channel with running water, and the men are dipping the sponge into the water, and then using the sponge to clean their butt.

There are a few interesting things to learn from these drawings:

1) We assume that our ancestors were filthy, stinky, and unhygienic, but despite their ignorance about bacteria and viruses, many of them had cleaner butts than people today who use toilet paper.

2) Our ancestors were capable of pooping and cleaning their butts in front of other people. Compare that to people today who are so inhibited and ignorant that they believe they are protecting their children from emotional damage by preventing children from seeing naked bodies, childbirth, and breast-feeding. Many people today are also paranoid about other people getting access to their medical and dental information.

3) The people who post drawings of the Roman communal bathrooms avoid giving a detailed description of how the Romans would dip the sponge into the running water and then use the sponge to clean their butt. The person reading about this has to look at the image and figure it out for himself. This is easy for most adults to figure out, but how many children can figure this out? We are not protecting the children by hiding this type of information from them.

4) The drawings show the men sitting upright on the toilet, as if they are sitting on chairs at a dinner table, but when I was a child I discovered that it is not possible to poop while sitting on the toilet in an upright position. Our body wants to squat, like an animal.

Therefore, the drawings should show the people either squatting over the hole, or they should be bent forward.

I would not be surprised to learn that the artists deliberately put the men in an upright position in order to make the room look more like a social club and less like a communal toilet. This drawing is even more extreme in making it look like a club for men.

Why do dogs sniff each other's butts?
I mentioned that dogs may have such a good sense of smell that they can identify the fragrance of the liquid that is produced in their colon, even when the odor of the poop is much stronger. If so, then when dogs sniff each other's butts, they may be looking for that fragrance, not because they want to smell one another's poop.